Fic: Recruitment Consultancy
Aug. 6th, 2009 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
netgirl_y2kTitle: Recruitment Consultancy
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams, Ianto Jones
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1290
Summary: There's a giant alien pigeon tormenting people outside a pub, the sat-nav has gained sentience and thinks it's Belgian, and Gwen makes an executive decision regarding Torchwood's staffing crisis.
Torchwood Three was responsible for monitoring all alien activity on the South East coast. This had been a hard job with a staff of five, a harder job with a staff of three. And now that Jack had done another one of his vanishing acts, leaving Gwen and Ianto to monitor the rift alone, let's just say that Torchwood was filling no one with confidence.
Jack Harkness had never been what you might call a sharing individual, and his lengthy stint buried underground had not changed this. He'd refused to tell Gwen why he was leaving, other than to say he had "business" in London. Once upon a time Gwen would have wasted time trying to wheedle the truth out of him, perhaps even following him, now she just asked Ianto what was going on.
"He's gone to see if he can poach some staff from UNIT," Ianto told her. Gwen took that to mean that he was following Martha around making bedroom eyes and begging her to move to Cardiff, and best of luck to him.
As nice as it was that Jack was taking an interest in their staffing problems, the fact remained that two people were not enough handle the rift. Two people were barely enough to handle one little weevil.
"I'm going to have to let go for a second," Ianto said, referring to the struggling weevil they'd manhandled as far as the travel agency door.
"Why?" demanded Gwen.
"Because the door's locked and as of yet I haven't manifested the ability to walk through walls."
Gwen almost demanded to know why not, but she was too busy trying to keep the weevil's arms locked behind its back while Ianto searched for his keys. He'd just got the door open when the weevil managed to wrench free. It swung round wildly and Gwen could smell its rancid breath on her face. She stumbled backwards, trying to keep her balance while pulling her gun free. Ianto grabbed the back of the weevil's boiler suit at the same time as Gwen tripped on the corner of a paving stone. She took the weevil's legs out from under it as she went down and the three of them landed on the ground in an ungainly and pointy-toothed heap.
Ianto got to his feet first and attempted to pull the weevil off Gwen. Gwen had managed to free her gun and was taking aim when the alien was jerked roughly back from her. Ianto was holding one of its arms and Rhys was holding the other.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Gwen demanded, realising a second too late that a "Hello, love," or even a "Thank you for the help" might have been more called for.
"I was looking for you. I tried ringing…"
"I've been a bit busy. I was going to call you back." Ianto cleared his throat audibly and nodded in the direction of the weevil. "We should get it down to the hub," said Gwen.
Together Ianto, Gwen and Rhys manhandled the weevil through the travel agency. When they were half way down the stairs to the hub, Ianto ran ahead and came back with a taser.
With the weevil slumped unconscious between them Gwen looked at Rhys, then at the weevil, then she gave Ianto a significant glance and he took the hint and said, "I'll go and make some coffee. How do you take it, Rhys?" Gwen thanked her lucky stars that Jack wasn't around to hear that comment.
"White, two sugars. What do you want done with that?" Rhys asked, gesturing to the weevil.
"We've got cells down this way."
"Right," said Rhys, throwing one of the weevil's arms round his shoulder and hoisting it to its feet. "Just like dragging Dafydd back from the pub, this."
"Oh, yeah," said Gwen, grabbing the other arm and trying to angle the weevil's teeth away from her neck. "It's exactly the same."
Rhys looked around while Gwen locked the weevil into its cell. "This is different," he said. "We've only got a tea room at my office."
"Ah, but you don't have as many weevils there, do you?"
"We've got Sharon in accounts, that's nearly the same thing."
Gwen thwacked him affectionately on the arm. "Don't be so horrible."
"Where's Jack, anyway?"
"He's gone to London, Torchwood business."
"Torchwood business, eh. Has he got a toy boy down there?"
Gwen thought for a moment. "Probably, yeah. But I've got a toy boy right here," she wrapped her arms round Rhys. "I've got less far to travel."
Rhys bent his head to kiss her. "Geographical convenience always has been my most attractive quality."
"That's what I've always said," Gwen murmured between kisses.
"Gwen!" Ianto's voice came through her earpiece.
"Ianto?"
"Charming," said Rhys, pulling back from Gwen.
"Shush," Gwen ordered, putting her hand up to her ear. "Ianto, what is it?"
"I think you'd better come up here."
"Come on." Gwen grabbed her husband's hand and ran up the stairs, tugging Rhys behind her. They found Ianto sitting at what Gwen still thought of as Tosh's computer.
"There's been a spike in rift activity."
"Where?"
"Penarth. Apparently what's being described as a giant pigeon is terrorising people outside a pub."
Gwen looked at her watch. "Do you think it'll keep till morning?"
"Not really," said Ianto. "By then everyone will have sobered up and there will still be a giant pigeon outside the pub."
"Right." Gwen ran over to her desk and pulled a South Wales A to Z out of the drawer.
"Haven't you got sat-nav in that fancy jeep of yours?" Rhys asked.
"Can't use it," said Ianto, straightening his tie, "it keeps trying to send us to Belgium."
"Broken, is it?"
"No, it gained sentience and thinks it's from Belgium," said Gwen, frowning at the map.
"That happens all the time," joked Rhys. "I think it’s a manufacturer's fault."
"Gwen?" Ianto prompted. Gwen was still flicking the pages of the A to Z.
Rhys had experience of Gwen's sense of direction. When they'd first started going out, she'd offered to drive them from Cardiff to Swansea to visit her parents. Next thing Rhys knew, they were passing a sign that said "Welcome to England." He reached out and took the map from Gwen. "Give me the keys, I'll drive."
*
Later, while Ianto and Rhys were debating ways to get the corpse of a giant alien pigeon back to Cardiff, Gwen came to a decision.
"We could tie it to the roof?" Rhys suggested.
"We couldn't drive back along the main roads," Ianto pointed out.
"I know a way back along the back roads, it's a bit longer but--"
"Rhys, do you want a job?" Gwen asked suddenly.
Rhys was still lost in the logistics of giant avian transportation and wasn't really paying attention. "A job where?"
"Here, Torchwood."
"Are you sure?" Rhys asked.
"Yeah." Gwen was struck with a sudden case of doubt. "I mean, it wouldn't have to be forever if you didn't want to. Just until we get our staffing problem sorted out."
"What do you think about all this?" Rhys looked at Ianto.
"Well, if it means that we don't spend hours driving around in circles at the mercy of Gwen's sense of direction then I'm all for it."
"Go on, then," said Rhys with a grin. "I'll go and find something to lash this thing to the roof with."
With Rhys gone, Gwen leaned back against the SUV and turned to Ianto. "I will give you all the money in my bank account if you tell Jack what I just did."
"No chance, but I would like to be in the same room when you tell him."
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams, Ianto Jones
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1290
Summary: There's a giant alien pigeon tormenting people outside a pub, the sat-nav has gained sentience and thinks it's Belgian, and Gwen makes an executive decision regarding Torchwood's staffing crisis.
Torchwood Three was responsible for monitoring all alien activity on the South East coast. This had been a hard job with a staff of five, a harder job with a staff of three. And now that Jack had done another one of his vanishing acts, leaving Gwen and Ianto to monitor the rift alone, let's just say that Torchwood was filling no one with confidence.
Jack Harkness had never been what you might call a sharing individual, and his lengthy stint buried underground had not changed this. He'd refused to tell Gwen why he was leaving, other than to say he had "business" in London. Once upon a time Gwen would have wasted time trying to wheedle the truth out of him, perhaps even following him, now she just asked Ianto what was going on.
"He's gone to see if he can poach some staff from UNIT," Ianto told her. Gwen took that to mean that he was following Martha around making bedroom eyes and begging her to move to Cardiff, and best of luck to him.
As nice as it was that Jack was taking an interest in their staffing problems, the fact remained that two people were not enough handle the rift. Two people were barely enough to handle one little weevil.
"I'm going to have to let go for a second," Ianto said, referring to the struggling weevil they'd manhandled as far as the travel agency door.
"Why?" demanded Gwen.
"Because the door's locked and as of yet I haven't manifested the ability to walk through walls."
Gwen almost demanded to know why not, but she was too busy trying to keep the weevil's arms locked behind its back while Ianto searched for his keys. He'd just got the door open when the weevil managed to wrench free. It swung round wildly and Gwen could smell its rancid breath on her face. She stumbled backwards, trying to keep her balance while pulling her gun free. Ianto grabbed the back of the weevil's boiler suit at the same time as Gwen tripped on the corner of a paving stone. She took the weevil's legs out from under it as she went down and the three of them landed on the ground in an ungainly and pointy-toothed heap.
Ianto got to his feet first and attempted to pull the weevil off Gwen. Gwen had managed to free her gun and was taking aim when the alien was jerked roughly back from her. Ianto was holding one of its arms and Rhys was holding the other.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Gwen demanded, realising a second too late that a "Hello, love," or even a "Thank you for the help" might have been more called for.
"I was looking for you. I tried ringing…"
"I've been a bit busy. I was going to call you back." Ianto cleared his throat audibly and nodded in the direction of the weevil. "We should get it down to the hub," said Gwen.
Together Ianto, Gwen and Rhys manhandled the weevil through the travel agency. When they were half way down the stairs to the hub, Ianto ran ahead and came back with a taser.
With the weevil slumped unconscious between them Gwen looked at Rhys, then at the weevil, then she gave Ianto a significant glance and he took the hint and said, "I'll go and make some coffee. How do you take it, Rhys?" Gwen thanked her lucky stars that Jack wasn't around to hear that comment.
"White, two sugars. What do you want done with that?" Rhys asked, gesturing to the weevil.
"We've got cells down this way."
"Right," said Rhys, throwing one of the weevil's arms round his shoulder and hoisting it to its feet. "Just like dragging Dafydd back from the pub, this."
"Oh, yeah," said Gwen, grabbing the other arm and trying to angle the weevil's teeth away from her neck. "It's exactly the same."
Rhys looked around while Gwen locked the weevil into its cell. "This is different," he said. "We've only got a tea room at my office."
"Ah, but you don't have as many weevils there, do you?"
"We've got Sharon in accounts, that's nearly the same thing."
Gwen thwacked him affectionately on the arm. "Don't be so horrible."
"Where's Jack, anyway?"
"He's gone to London, Torchwood business."
"Torchwood business, eh. Has he got a toy boy down there?"
Gwen thought for a moment. "Probably, yeah. But I've got a toy boy right here," she wrapped her arms round Rhys. "I've got less far to travel."
Rhys bent his head to kiss her. "Geographical convenience always has been my most attractive quality."
"That's what I've always said," Gwen murmured between kisses.
"Gwen!" Ianto's voice came through her earpiece.
"Ianto?"
"Charming," said Rhys, pulling back from Gwen.
"Shush," Gwen ordered, putting her hand up to her ear. "Ianto, what is it?"
"I think you'd better come up here."
"Come on." Gwen grabbed her husband's hand and ran up the stairs, tugging Rhys behind her. They found Ianto sitting at what Gwen still thought of as Tosh's computer.
"There's been a spike in rift activity."
"Where?"
"Penarth. Apparently what's being described as a giant pigeon is terrorising people outside a pub."
Gwen looked at her watch. "Do you think it'll keep till morning?"
"Not really," said Ianto. "By then everyone will have sobered up and there will still be a giant pigeon outside the pub."
"Right." Gwen ran over to her desk and pulled a South Wales A to Z out of the drawer.
"Haven't you got sat-nav in that fancy jeep of yours?" Rhys asked.
"Can't use it," said Ianto, straightening his tie, "it keeps trying to send us to Belgium."
"Broken, is it?"
"No, it gained sentience and thinks it's from Belgium," said Gwen, frowning at the map.
"That happens all the time," joked Rhys. "I think it’s a manufacturer's fault."
"Gwen?" Ianto prompted. Gwen was still flicking the pages of the A to Z.
Rhys had experience of Gwen's sense of direction. When they'd first started going out, she'd offered to drive them from Cardiff to Swansea to visit her parents. Next thing Rhys knew, they were passing a sign that said "Welcome to England." He reached out and took the map from Gwen. "Give me the keys, I'll drive."
*
Later, while Ianto and Rhys were debating ways to get the corpse of a giant alien pigeon back to Cardiff, Gwen came to a decision.
"We could tie it to the roof?" Rhys suggested.
"We couldn't drive back along the main roads," Ianto pointed out.
"I know a way back along the back roads, it's a bit longer but--"
"Rhys, do you want a job?" Gwen asked suddenly.
Rhys was still lost in the logistics of giant avian transportation and wasn't really paying attention. "A job where?"
"Here, Torchwood."
"Are you sure?" Rhys asked.
"Yeah." Gwen was struck with a sudden case of doubt. "I mean, it wouldn't have to be forever if you didn't want to. Just until we get our staffing problem sorted out."
"What do you think about all this?" Rhys looked at Ianto.
"Well, if it means that we don't spend hours driving around in circles at the mercy of Gwen's sense of direction then I'm all for it."
"Go on, then," said Rhys with a grin. "I'll go and find something to lash this thing to the roof with."
With Rhys gone, Gwen leaned back against the SUV and turned to Ianto. "I will give you all the money in my bank account if you tell Jack what I just did."
"No chance, but I would like to be in the same room when you tell him."