I Am Not The Most Visually Observant Person

[netgirl_y2k]

There is a nice lady who lives around the corner from me, I wouldn't say I know her super well, but she's got a cool dog, a big golden doodle, and we'll chat when we're out walking the dogs. And last week she mentioned that she was going into hospital on Thursday and asked if she left me a spare key could I possibly feed her dog and let her out?

Sure, I said, because cool dog, and I didn't ask why she was going into hospital, because it's none of my business, and what if it's personal or embarrassing or something.

So Thursday comes, and I'm outside playing with the doodle, when one of the neighbours asks if the reason I'm out with her is that the owner is having her baby? The word Huh? is written all over my face. You know, said the neighbour, because of what happened last time she's going in for a c section.

Friends, I do not want to know what happened last time.

So I bumble through this conversation and take the dog back in, at which point I notice that next to the dog food is a tiny baby carrier of the sort you would have if you were expecting to have to imminently transport the tiniest of humans. Then I notice that the collar and lead that I just picked up were hung up next to a calendar where that day's date was circled with the word baby written in ALL CAPS with three exclamation marks.

So I think I, like, straight up do not not perceive things in the world that aren't dogs.

In my defence, we're nearly into November in Scotland and I just assume anyone who looks a bit pregnant is wearing a Big Coat.

Comments

[spiralsheep]

I also have dog goggles. It's the best way to be.

I was wearing a waist pack under my coat and ducked into bushes to extract an empty plastic cider bottle for the bin. When I emerged a passing lady pensioner looked at me disapprovingly and said, "You shouldn't be drinking in your condition." Lmao. I was the downhill side of forty with undyed hair at the time too.

[netgirl_y2k]

I also do the picking up empty bottles for the bin thing, and if you want to get some really dirty looks I recommend doing it while prominently wearing an NHS lanyard.

[spiralsheep]

Odd that many people of the type who would complain about litter genuinely can't imagine picking it up and binning it. This is why possessing dog goggles is for the best.