netgirl_y2k: (Arthur Dorkiness)
[personal profile] netgirl_y2k
Title: The One Where Gwen and Morgana (and Merlin) Save Arthur From Being Eaten By Bears
Fandom: Merlin
Characters: Morgana, Gwen, Arthur, Merlin
Rating: G
Word Count: 1022
Summary: Kindly allow me to distract you with this baby rabbit.


Gwen didn't open her eyes. She categorically, absolutely refused to open her eyes.

“Gwen, wake up.”

This was a dream. It was obviously a dream because there was no way that Morgana had come to Gwen's house at – Gwen opened one eye a sliver – some ungodly pre-dawn hour to tell her to wake up.

And, apparently, to prod her in the ribs.

“Ow,” said Gwen, opening her eyes. So, not a dream then. “Hello, Morgana.”

“Gwen, you have to get up. Arthur's going to be eaten by bears.”

Gwen blinked. “Is this like that time when you were thirteen, and you hid sausages in the hood of Arthur's cloak when he was going hunting, and he was mauled by angry badgers?”

Morgana grinned wistfully at the memory. “I'd forgotten about that.”

Gwen rubbed the sleep from her eyes and got her first proper look at her lady. Morgana was wearing a dress of royal blue and for the first time in months there weren't dark circles under her eyes. She almost looked like her old self.

Okay, it was possible that she was harbouring a secret desire to kill the heir to the throne with bears. But at least she was up and dressed.


“You had a vision about Arthur?” Gwen asked as she trailed Morgana up the street.


“Being eaten by bears. And you're sure it wasn't just a normal dream? Dreams can be very symbolic, you know.”

“What does Arthur being ripped apart by angry bears symbolise?”



They intercepted Arthur and Merlin as they were leaving the castle. Merlin was carrying what had to be his own bodyweight in weaponry. Arthur was carrying nothing and admonishing Merlin for being too slow.

Sometimes, when Gwen got particularly worried about Morgana's increasingly erratic behaviour, she thought about Merlin and all the insane things he had to do for Arthur and felt a little better about her situation.

“We're coming with you,” Morgana announced.

“You most certainly are not,” said Arthur.


Two hours later and the four of them were tramping through the forest.

“I told you two that you couldn't come with us,” said Arthur, scowling.

“We're not with you,” replied Morgana. “We're just strolling in this general direction. Aren't we, Gwen?”

Gwen's dress snagged on a branch for the third time in as many minutes and she muttered something that definitely wasn't “yes, my lady” under her breath.

Merlin caught his foot on a tree root and lurched sideways under the weight of the crossbow. Gwen caught his elbow, steadying him. He grinned at her, and asked, “Why are you two along, anyway?”

“Oh, Morgana had a dream about Arthur being eaten by bears.”

Merlin attempted to rearrange Arthur's various weapons in his arms. “I have that one all the time.”


“Merlin!” Arthur demanded.

“Yes, Arthur?”

“Why is Morgana carrying my crossbow?”

“Er, because it's really heavy and I've been carrying it for hours and hours.”

“You are an utter girl, Merlin.”

Gwen and Morgana glared at him, Morgana still had the crossbow. “What I mean to say, ladies,” the prince back-peddled frantically, “is, er, look over there – baby rabbits.”


“I meant,” said Arthur later, “that I should kill the rabbits, not that you three should coo over them like a bunch of--”

“A bunch of what, Arthur?” said Morgana, who was still holding the crossbow hostage.

Arthur scowled at her. “There's a pond over there. But we're only going to fill the water skins, not so you three can moon over ducklings, okay?”


The pond did have ducklings, and a small beach and it was set in a lovely sun-dappled clearing.

“Oh, come on, Arthur,” Morgana snapped impatiently.

“I said no.”

“Arthur...” Merlin wheedled

“No. I'm going hunting. You three can lie about in the sunshine and paddle in the pond if you must.”

“When you put it that way, Arthur,” said Morgana, “it sounds quite dreadful.”

Before Arthur could respond Gwen picked up his throwing spear, which Merlin had dumped unceremoniously on the beach, and hurled it into the water.

There was a long silence, and then Arthur barked, “Guinevere!”

Sometimes, when the four of them were together and Arthur was being especially Arthur-ish, Gwen made the mistake of forgetting that he was the future king. She turned nervously to face the prince, who had a big grin across his face.

“Guinevere,” he said again, “you have a marvellous throwing arm. Perhaps next time I go hunting you can come along and we'll leave Merlin and Morgana to...” Arthur looked over his shoulders, trying to see what mischief Merlin and Morgana were amusing themselves with.

Morgana had taken off her boots and was sitting with her feet in the pond. The water was soaking up her dress, and Gwen knew that she'd complain the whole way home; but it was so nice to see her friend happy that Gwen would cheerfully listen to all the complaints in the world.

Merlin had taken his jacket off and was trying to scale a tree - by launching himself at it and wrapping all four of his limbs around the trunk.

“What exactly are you doing?” Arthur walked over to the tree where Merlin appeared to be stuck.

“I was going to pick one of those white flowers up there for Morgana.”

“Morgana is more than capable of picking her own pretty flower,” Arthur sneered.

“It's true, I am.”

“Fine,” said Merlin, stubbornly not letting go of the tree. “I wanted a pretty flower.”

Arthur jerked Merlin off the tree by his shoulders, depositing him on his backside on the grass. “You'd fall and break your neck. I'll get the flower.”

And with that, Arthur easily clambered up the tree. Once he'd disappeared into the foliage he called down, “Would you like a pretty flower too, Guinevere?”

“Yes please, sire.”

“Hey,” said Morgana, “if everyone else is getting a flower I want one too.”


Many miles away a family of bears, who had been destined to be killed by the knights after ripping Prince Arthur limb from limb, foraged for berries unmolested.

Podfic of The One Where Gwen and Morgana (and Merlin) Save Arthur From Being Eaten By Bears (the multi-accent remix) read by [personal profile] briar_pipe, [personal profile] lunatique, [personal profile] emei and [personal profile] frigg

Date: 2010-03-02 04:07 am (UTC)
cat_77: Merlin in fog (Merlin)
From: [personal profile] cat_77
I've just started working my way through your fic and have to say I love your sense of humor. I'll try not to spam you with replies, but everything I've read so far has been excellent and definitely giggle-worthy. *g*

Date: 2010-05-12 04:16 am (UTC)
ext_22293: ([merlin] lurking adorably is an art)
From: [identity profile]
Uh, basically what the commentator above said. Although I've already spammed you quite a bit. *is unrepentant*

Date: 2010-09-04 05:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hee! Absolutely hilarious. I've only read a few of your fics, but every single time your writing has had me in stitches. Your Gwen, Merlin, Morgana, and Arthur are always such a delight. I just love your take on the OT4!

Date: 2012-02-19 12:57 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Fantastic. I'm loving the hilarity of your fics.


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