Fic: Like a Hole in the Head
May. 28th, 2010 04:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
netgirl_y2kTitle: Like a Hole in the Head
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Morgana/Morgause
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2000
Summary: In which Morgana likes her flatmates (except Arthur), Morgause wants to kill Uther with stationery, and they're the only ones who haven't noticed that they're having some kind of long distance relationship.
A/N: Modern AU
Morgana was barely off the train when her mobile rang.
“Missing me yet?” asked Morgause.
“I’ve been at university a grand total of twelve minutes.”
“Now you’re avoiding the question.”
Morgana could hear the buzz of Morgause’s office in the background. “Don’t you have some plotting to take over the world to be getting on with?”
*
It was half past two when Morgana called back, Morgause picked up on the fifth ring.
“Okay. I do miss you. A bit.”
“Morgana? What time is it?” There was the clattering sound of Morgause knocking over her alarm clock. “Are you drunk?”
“A little. I’ve got these flatmates. One of them has ears.”
“And alcohol, obviously. And while I’m pleased that you’ve taken to the lifestyle, not all of us keep student hours.”
“Sorry. Do you want me to hang up?”
“You can tell me how much you miss me again first.”
*
Morgana went to live with her godmother Nimueh and her daughter Morgause as soon as she was released from the hospital after the car crash that killed her parents.
Terrified and plagued by nightmares of the crash, ten year old Morgana had crawled into Morgause’s bed. Morgause had stroked her hair and told her not to worry, that her nightmares were really a superpower, which would tell her things no one else could know.
Since that moment Morgause has been Morgana’s absolute favourite person in the whole wide world.
*
Morgause’s position as Morgana’s favourite person was in serious danger when she called Morgana’s mobile at seven o’clock the next morning.
“What do you want? Oh God, my head.”
“Good morning, Morgana.” Morgause sounded so cheerful that Morgana mentally knocked her down to third favourite person.
“What do you want at this hour?”
“As I’m sitting in a traffic jam on the M25 I thought I’d call and see how your head is after last night.”
Morgana groaned. “I called you…”
“To tell me how much you miss me. And, for some unknown reason, to inform me that one of your flatmates has ears.”
“That’s Merlin, he’s all ears and elbows. And there’s a girl called Gwen, she’s labelled all the food in the fridge. Then there’s Arthur, I hate Arthur.”
“You’ve been there less than twenty-four hours and already you’ve made a blood enemy, that’s my girl. What did this Arthur do to deserve your wrath?”
“He was the one who provided the vodka last night.” Morgause laughed and Morgana said, “I hope you’re stuck in that traffic jam for hours and hours.”
“I miss you too, you know.”
*
Morgause had stayed in London when she went to university, reasoning that it was best to stay in the capital for ease of later taking over the country, so Morgana’s decision to move up to Edinburgh for her degree makes this the longest they’ve been apart since childhood.
Morgana obviously wasn’t the only one feeling the distance, because she got fifteen texts a day updating her on Morgause’s ongoing quest to conquer the world and her desire to murder her boss, Uther Pendragon, with a variety of office stationery.
It wasn’t all one way. When Merlin mixed up the room numbers and sat through a two hour chemistry seminar instead of his sociology lecture, when a French exchange student called Lancelot dressed up as a white knight to try to impress Gwen, and when a girl called Sophia nearly drowned Arthur in a fountain Morgana immediately called Morgause to tell her about it - the last time while Sophia was still holding Arthur’s head under the water.
They talked everyday, but it wasn’t the same.
*
“I wish I knew these friends of yours,” Morgause said one night when Morgana had her mobile pressed between her cheek and her shoulder and was idly doodling in the margin of a textbook.
“You’ve never liked any of my friends, Morgause.”
“Yes, but I’ve disliked them up close and personal where they can feel me judging them.”
“I’m sure Gwen, Merlin and Arthur can feel you judging them from London.”
“It’s not the same though.”
“Why don’t you come up for a visit, it’ll be fun. I’ll skip some lectures, give you a tour of the city, you can frighten the living daylights out of my flatmates. Fun.”
“I--”
Morgause’s answer was interrupted by a knock on Morgana’s bedroom door. “Arthur says he absolutely can’t face his economics lecture tomorrow without a hangover, so he’s insisting we all go to the pub right now,” Merlin said apologetically.
“I’ll call you before I go to sleep,” Morgana promised Morgause before she hung up.
*
“Who are you texting?” Arthur asked, leaning over and trying to get a look at Morgana’s phone, she elbowed him back into his own seat. It was harder to copy notes from him when he didn’t bother taking any.
Down the front of the hall Professor Alvarr was talking away. He’d failed Morgana’s first essay and kept trying to look down her top during seminars, so she felt the pressing need to text Morgause to tell her: HAVE DEVELOPED PERFECTLY RATIONAL HATERED OF ALL MEN WITH BEARDS.
A minute later her phone beeped with Morgause’s reply: FINE. WILL BREAK UP WITH LEON IMMEDEATLY.
Morgana snapped the phone shut and elbowed Arthur again, just for the hell of it. She’d disliked everyone Morgause had ever been out with. She said it was because they were all pillocks. Nimueh (who was a bit new-agey) said Morgana was worried about losing Morgause’s attention. Morgause said it was nice that Morgana worried about her. And Morgana said no, they really were all pillocks.
*
Morgana was in bad mood for the rest of the day, she didn’t reply to any of Morgause’s texts and when the other woman called her first words were “Who’s Leon?”
“Why, I’m fine, Morgana, I have refrained from murdering Uther for another day and my mother sends her love. How are you?”
“Morgause.”
“Nobody. A guy I was seeing. It’s over.”
“Because I’ve developed a dislike of beards.”
“Yes, Morgana. I run my entire life based on your capricious and ever changing whims.”
“You say that like it would be silly.”
“No, it just wasn’t working. He said I spent more time talking to you than I did him.”
“Of course you did. I bet I’m more interesting than him, and smarter than him, and prettier than him.”
“You don’t have a beard, I’ll give you that. Anyway, how’s your love life going, broken the hearts of all of first year yet?”
“And most of second year.”
*
Morgana remembered being fifteen and sitting on Morgause’s bed flipping through magazines while Morgause changed. She remembered looking up just as Morgause pulled her shirt over her head and feeling the impulse to take Morgause by the hips and lick right down the elegant curve of her spine.
She’d fled the room and told herself it was hormones, hormones and Nimueh sending her to an all girls' school.
*
Arthur and Merlin were doing something on the dance floor best described as flailing, Gwen was at the bar (for some reason she got served fastest) and Morgana was trying to convince Morgause, via text message, that murdering Uther Pendragon with a stapler would probably result in prison time.
Gwen returned with the drinks, Morgana smiled apologetically at her and finished typing her message.
“Arthur thinks you’ve a Mystery Girlfriend, and that’s who you’re always phoning.”
“What?”
Gwen clamped her hand over her mouth and looked mortified. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk. I didn’t mean any offence. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, having a Mystery Girlfriend, if you do, or even if you don’t. Do you? Oh, god, just ignore me.”
“What? No. Morgause is my…” Morgana trailed off. She’d been about to say sister, but they weren’t, not biologically and as they’d been half grown by the time they’d lived together they’d never thought of each other that way.
Morgause had been Morgana’s childhood idol and best friend and teenaged fantasy and other things too complicated to explain to Gwen even if both of them had been entirely sober.
“She’s just an old friend from home,” Morgana finished.
“Morgana, I’ve got a gorgeous French boyfriend who dressed up in chainmail and fell off the side of a white horse trying to impress me, and I don’t talk to him as much as you talk to your old friend from home.”
*
Morgana’s phone rang just after seven the next morning.
“How do you know?” she demanded. “How do you always know when I’m hungover to call me at the crack of dawn?”
“I’m psychic. And you left me a voicemail at four in the morning saying that you’d rather have me than any pretty Frenchman who couldn’t sit on a horse even when it was standing still…?”
Morgana could practically hear the raised eyebrow. “It’s true. I don’t have a word of French and I hate horses.”
“I’d best go, I’ve lost my hands free thing and I shouldn’t be using my mobile in the car.”
“Morgause, come and see me. I miss you.”
But Morgause had already hung up.
*
“I’m going to kill Uther Pendragon, I’m going to kill him with a staple-remover through the eye and then I’m going to hide his body behind the photocopier, so you’ll need to give me an alibi.”
“Er, this is Gwen. Morgana left her mobile on the desk when she went to look for a book. And we’re in the library, she must have forgotten to switch it to silent.”
“Oh. When she gets back tell her Morgause called, would you?”
“Any message?”
“Staple-remover. Photocopier. Alibi. She’ll know what I mean.”
*
“Gwen says your Mystery Girlfriend is really scary.”
“Arthur, we’re in the middle of sitting an exam.”
*
Morgana had popped out to buy a pint of milk so that there would be tea when Gwen came in from her exam, she was just closing the door when Arthur grabbed her.
“There’s a terrifying blonde in the flat, so we’ve put her in your room.”
“A terrifying blonde?”
“She made Merlin cry.”
“She did not!”
“Yes she did, Merlin, you cried like a girl.”
Arthur and Merlin took an arm each and propelled her towards her bedroom.
*
She opened the door, and maybe this was a huge mistake because there was Morgause in heels and a sharp cut black suit in the middle of Morgana’s student bedroom with its single bed and textbooks stacked in piles of the floor.
And then Morgause smiled that slow, languid smile that Morgana had missed so much and said, “Miss me?” and Morgana pushed her back until she was pressed against the opposite wall, braced her hands on either side of Morgause’s face and kissed her.
Morgana pulled back with a nip at Morgause’s bottom lip. “Just a bit.”
Morgause leaned in to kiss her again, and Morgana caught her by the shoulders. “Is this what you want? I mean you’re not just doing it because I--”
Morgause smirked. “You’re not that quick on the uptake, are you?” she leaned in and stole another kiss before Morgana could object. “I love you.” Another quick kiss cut off before Morgana could deepen it. “I want you.” Morgause’s hands slipped under Morgana’s top and she squeezed her nipple through Morgana’s bra. “I want you so much that sometimes I stop thinking about Uther Pendragon’s eventual downfall for, oh, minutes.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“You know what I don’t say to all the girls?” Morgause shoved Morgana back a step. “Get on the bed, right now.”
*
Morgause nudged Morgana awake.
“Can you hear voices?”
“Oh, that’ll be Arthur, Merlin and Gwen trying to think up an excuse to come in here.”
Morgause grinned wickedly. “Roll onto your stomach, bend your leg at the knee like that.” Morgause arranged them both into an artistic pose that managed to be perfectly decent, extremely erotic and hinted at several very specific and recently performed sex acts.
When Merlin, who’d obviously lost the game of rock paper scissors, blundered in and shouted “tea” he turned beet red, dropped the mug and fled.
“I seem to have melted your flatmate,” Morgause noted.
“That’s all right, I’ve got two more.”
“In that case,” said Morgause, slipping her hand between Morgana’s legs, “we’d best get moving.”
“They’re right, you know. My Mystery Girlfriend is scary.”
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Morgana/Morgause
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2000
Summary: In which Morgana likes her flatmates (except Arthur), Morgause wants to kill Uther with stationery, and they're the only ones who haven't noticed that they're having some kind of long distance relationship.
A/N: Modern AU
Morgana was barely off the train when her mobile rang.
“Missing me yet?” asked Morgause.
“I’ve been at university a grand total of twelve minutes.”
“Now you’re avoiding the question.”
Morgana could hear the buzz of Morgause’s office in the background. “Don’t you have some plotting to take over the world to be getting on with?”
*
It was half past two when Morgana called back, Morgause picked up on the fifth ring.
“Okay. I do miss you. A bit.”
“Morgana? What time is it?” There was the clattering sound of Morgause knocking over her alarm clock. “Are you drunk?”
“A little. I’ve got these flatmates. One of them has ears.”
“And alcohol, obviously. And while I’m pleased that you’ve taken to the lifestyle, not all of us keep student hours.”
“Sorry. Do you want me to hang up?”
“You can tell me how much you miss me again first.”
*
Morgana went to live with her godmother Nimueh and her daughter Morgause as soon as she was released from the hospital after the car crash that killed her parents.
Terrified and plagued by nightmares of the crash, ten year old Morgana had crawled into Morgause’s bed. Morgause had stroked her hair and told her not to worry, that her nightmares were really a superpower, which would tell her things no one else could know.
Since that moment Morgause has been Morgana’s absolute favourite person in the whole wide world.
*
Morgause’s position as Morgana’s favourite person was in serious danger when she called Morgana’s mobile at seven o’clock the next morning.
“What do you want? Oh God, my head.”
“Good morning, Morgana.” Morgause sounded so cheerful that Morgana mentally knocked her down to third favourite person.
“What do you want at this hour?”
“As I’m sitting in a traffic jam on the M25 I thought I’d call and see how your head is after last night.”
Morgana groaned. “I called you…”
“To tell me how much you miss me. And, for some unknown reason, to inform me that one of your flatmates has ears.”
“That’s Merlin, he’s all ears and elbows. And there’s a girl called Gwen, she’s labelled all the food in the fridge. Then there’s Arthur, I hate Arthur.”
“You’ve been there less than twenty-four hours and already you’ve made a blood enemy, that’s my girl. What did this Arthur do to deserve your wrath?”
“He was the one who provided the vodka last night.” Morgause laughed and Morgana said, “I hope you’re stuck in that traffic jam for hours and hours.”
“I miss you too, you know.”
*
Morgause had stayed in London when she went to university, reasoning that it was best to stay in the capital for ease of later taking over the country, so Morgana’s decision to move up to Edinburgh for her degree makes this the longest they’ve been apart since childhood.
Morgana obviously wasn’t the only one feeling the distance, because she got fifteen texts a day updating her on Morgause’s ongoing quest to conquer the world and her desire to murder her boss, Uther Pendragon, with a variety of office stationery.
It wasn’t all one way. When Merlin mixed up the room numbers and sat through a two hour chemistry seminar instead of his sociology lecture, when a French exchange student called Lancelot dressed up as a white knight to try to impress Gwen, and when a girl called Sophia nearly drowned Arthur in a fountain Morgana immediately called Morgause to tell her about it - the last time while Sophia was still holding Arthur’s head under the water.
They talked everyday, but it wasn’t the same.
*
“I wish I knew these friends of yours,” Morgause said one night when Morgana had her mobile pressed between her cheek and her shoulder and was idly doodling in the margin of a textbook.
“You’ve never liked any of my friends, Morgause.”
“Yes, but I’ve disliked them up close and personal where they can feel me judging them.”
“I’m sure Gwen, Merlin and Arthur can feel you judging them from London.”
“It’s not the same though.”
“Why don’t you come up for a visit, it’ll be fun. I’ll skip some lectures, give you a tour of the city, you can frighten the living daylights out of my flatmates. Fun.”
“I--”
Morgause’s answer was interrupted by a knock on Morgana’s bedroom door. “Arthur says he absolutely can’t face his economics lecture tomorrow without a hangover, so he’s insisting we all go to the pub right now,” Merlin said apologetically.
“I’ll call you before I go to sleep,” Morgana promised Morgause before she hung up.
*
“Who are you texting?” Arthur asked, leaning over and trying to get a look at Morgana’s phone, she elbowed him back into his own seat. It was harder to copy notes from him when he didn’t bother taking any.
Down the front of the hall Professor Alvarr was talking away. He’d failed Morgana’s first essay and kept trying to look down her top during seminars, so she felt the pressing need to text Morgause to tell her: HAVE DEVELOPED PERFECTLY RATIONAL HATERED OF ALL MEN WITH BEARDS.
A minute later her phone beeped with Morgause’s reply: FINE. WILL BREAK UP WITH LEON IMMEDEATLY.
Morgana snapped the phone shut and elbowed Arthur again, just for the hell of it. She’d disliked everyone Morgause had ever been out with. She said it was because they were all pillocks. Nimueh (who was a bit new-agey) said Morgana was worried about losing Morgause’s attention. Morgause said it was nice that Morgana worried about her. And Morgana said no, they really were all pillocks.
*
Morgana was in bad mood for the rest of the day, she didn’t reply to any of Morgause’s texts and when the other woman called her first words were “Who’s Leon?”
“Why, I’m fine, Morgana, I have refrained from murdering Uther for another day and my mother sends her love. How are you?”
“Morgause.”
“Nobody. A guy I was seeing. It’s over.”
“Because I’ve developed a dislike of beards.”
“Yes, Morgana. I run my entire life based on your capricious and ever changing whims.”
“You say that like it would be silly.”
“No, it just wasn’t working. He said I spent more time talking to you than I did him.”
“Of course you did. I bet I’m more interesting than him, and smarter than him, and prettier than him.”
“You don’t have a beard, I’ll give you that. Anyway, how’s your love life going, broken the hearts of all of first year yet?”
“And most of second year.”
*
Morgana remembered being fifteen and sitting on Morgause’s bed flipping through magazines while Morgause changed. She remembered looking up just as Morgause pulled her shirt over her head and feeling the impulse to take Morgause by the hips and lick right down the elegant curve of her spine.
She’d fled the room and told herself it was hormones, hormones and Nimueh sending her to an all girls' school.
*
Arthur and Merlin were doing something on the dance floor best described as flailing, Gwen was at the bar (for some reason she got served fastest) and Morgana was trying to convince Morgause, via text message, that murdering Uther Pendragon with a stapler would probably result in prison time.
Gwen returned with the drinks, Morgana smiled apologetically at her and finished typing her message.
“Arthur thinks you’ve a Mystery Girlfriend, and that’s who you’re always phoning.”
“What?”
Gwen clamped her hand over her mouth and looked mortified. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk. I didn’t mean any offence. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, having a Mystery Girlfriend, if you do, or even if you don’t. Do you? Oh, god, just ignore me.”
“What? No. Morgause is my…” Morgana trailed off. She’d been about to say sister, but they weren’t, not biologically and as they’d been half grown by the time they’d lived together they’d never thought of each other that way.
Morgause had been Morgana’s childhood idol and best friend and teenaged fantasy and other things too complicated to explain to Gwen even if both of them had been entirely sober.
“She’s just an old friend from home,” Morgana finished.
“Morgana, I’ve got a gorgeous French boyfriend who dressed up in chainmail and fell off the side of a white horse trying to impress me, and I don’t talk to him as much as you talk to your old friend from home.”
*
Morgana’s phone rang just after seven the next morning.
“How do you know?” she demanded. “How do you always know when I’m hungover to call me at the crack of dawn?”
“I’m psychic. And you left me a voicemail at four in the morning saying that you’d rather have me than any pretty Frenchman who couldn’t sit on a horse even when it was standing still…?”
Morgana could practically hear the raised eyebrow. “It’s true. I don’t have a word of French and I hate horses.”
“I’d best go, I’ve lost my hands free thing and I shouldn’t be using my mobile in the car.”
“Morgause, come and see me. I miss you.”
But Morgause had already hung up.
*
“I’m going to kill Uther Pendragon, I’m going to kill him with a staple-remover through the eye and then I’m going to hide his body behind the photocopier, so you’ll need to give me an alibi.”
“Er, this is Gwen. Morgana left her mobile on the desk when she went to look for a book. And we’re in the library, she must have forgotten to switch it to silent.”
“Oh. When she gets back tell her Morgause called, would you?”
“Any message?”
“Staple-remover. Photocopier. Alibi. She’ll know what I mean.”
*
“Gwen says your Mystery Girlfriend is really scary.”
“Arthur, we’re in the middle of sitting an exam.”
*
Morgana had popped out to buy a pint of milk so that there would be tea when Gwen came in from her exam, she was just closing the door when Arthur grabbed her.
“There’s a terrifying blonde in the flat, so we’ve put her in your room.”
“A terrifying blonde?”
“She made Merlin cry.”
“She did not!”
“Yes she did, Merlin, you cried like a girl.”
Arthur and Merlin took an arm each and propelled her towards her bedroom.
*
She opened the door, and maybe this was a huge mistake because there was Morgause in heels and a sharp cut black suit in the middle of Morgana’s student bedroom with its single bed and textbooks stacked in piles of the floor.
And then Morgause smiled that slow, languid smile that Morgana had missed so much and said, “Miss me?” and Morgana pushed her back until she was pressed against the opposite wall, braced her hands on either side of Morgause’s face and kissed her.
Morgana pulled back with a nip at Morgause’s bottom lip. “Just a bit.”
Morgause leaned in to kiss her again, and Morgana caught her by the shoulders. “Is this what you want? I mean you’re not just doing it because I--”
Morgause smirked. “You’re not that quick on the uptake, are you?” she leaned in and stole another kiss before Morgana could object. “I love you.” Another quick kiss cut off before Morgana could deepen it. “I want you.” Morgause’s hands slipped under Morgana’s top and she squeezed her nipple through Morgana’s bra. “I want you so much that sometimes I stop thinking about Uther Pendragon’s eventual downfall for, oh, minutes.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“You know what I don’t say to all the girls?” Morgause shoved Morgana back a step. “Get on the bed, right now.”
*
Morgause nudged Morgana awake.
“Can you hear voices?”
“Oh, that’ll be Arthur, Merlin and Gwen trying to think up an excuse to come in here.”
Morgause grinned wickedly. “Roll onto your stomach, bend your leg at the knee like that.” Morgause arranged them both into an artistic pose that managed to be perfectly decent, extremely erotic and hinted at several very specific and recently performed sex acts.
When Merlin, who’d obviously lost the game of rock paper scissors, blundered in and shouted “tea” he turned beet red, dropped the mug and fled.
“I seem to have melted your flatmate,” Morgause noted.
“That’s all right, I’ve got two more.”
“In that case,” said Morgause, slipping her hand between Morgana’s legs, “we’d best get moving.”
“They’re right, you know. My Mystery Girlfriend is scary.”