Gamey Gamey Game

The downstairs of my house is semi-open plan, with the living room on one side, the kitchen on the other, and the stairs in the middle. This means you can, if you're so inclined, run around the staircase like a mad thing in your socks while getting the dog to chase you.

You shouldn't, because what will eventually happen is that you will slip, faceplant onto a coffee table, and knock one of your front teeth loose.

The tooth eventually settled down into the gum, but at a slightly wonky angle, and I've been saving up to get it fixed ever since. I eventually got referred to the dental hospital where they said that, yes, absolutely they could fix my tooth, but first I'd need to have six hours of dental surgery on my apparently terrible gums. Anyway, somewhere between when they told me how much fixing the tooth would actually cost and hour three of my six hour dental surgery I rather went off the idea of medically unnecessary dental work and instead bought myself a Playstation 4.

That's right, I have a goofy as fuck grin and a Playstation. I'm a fucking catch.

At this stage it's important to understand that the last video game I played was The Lion King game on the Sega Megadrive in nineteen ninety-four; and I got stuck at the wildebeest bit and never went back.

Things sure have changed, eh?

The console came with the new Spider-Man game. Which I freaking loved, and thought was very forgiving of a newbie. It did take me a long time to actually play through the story because I was mostly swinging around New York going wheeeeee! Which was most of what I wanted from this experience.

And then following an esoteric process that I call What Games Have I Heard Of That They've Got For Cheap In This Second Hand Shop? I got The Last of Us and Rise of the Tomb Raider. Following on from Spider-Man the graphics and gameplay in The Last of Us initially felt pretty dated and janky, but I got super invested in the story and stopped noticing. I cried twice and screamed out loud once.

Rise of the Tomb Raider I'm enjoying when it's letting me play a Tomb Raider game. I enjoy solving the puzzles and scrambling madly around an environment that falls apart as soon as I touch it, but I'm not mad about the shooty-shooty stuff that's bolted on top.

I have discovered that I suck so hard at shooting games. Unless there's an auto-aim I can't hit the side of a barn door. And I don't think it's a matter of practice; I think it's a hand eye thing, I can't catch in real life either. Luckily I don't have whatever weird brain thing makes some people twitchy about playing on easy. It says a lot about the story in The Last of Us how much I loved that game despite all the shooting.

My one (1) friend who plays games has been letting me have a go on his x-box to try and work out what sort of games I might like before I buy more, because holy guacamole, batman, this could get expensive!

So far I have had a go at Red Dead Redemption 2: I crashed his horse into a tree and immediately died, and like, it looks gorgeous but I think the shooting mechanics would drive me up the wall; Shadow of Mordor: I killed a bunch of orcs, and we're definitely moving in the right direction; Witcher III: so all I did was ride a horse for a bit and get killed by two giant insect monsters, but still I liked the feel of it and think we're moving in the right direction; Destiny: nope, too shooty, too frantic, plus I don't want to play multi-players. I want to sit in my front room, playing on easy, and feeling like a badass with no one telling me otherwise.

So anyway, things I hate: shooting.

Things I like: narrative, map traversal, melee combat (which always seems to look effortlessly artful even when all I'm doing is mashing buttons.)

Anyone who plays these things got any suggestions?