I Am Not The Most Visually Observant Person

[netgirl_y2k]

There is a nice lady who lives around the corner from me, I wouldn't say I know her super well, but she's got a cool dog, a big golden doodle, and we'll chat when we're out walking the dogs. And last week she mentioned that she was going into hospital on Thursday and asked if she left me a spare key could I possibly feed her dog and let her out?

Sure, I said, because cool dog, and I didn't ask why she was going into hospital, because it's none of my business, and what if it's personal or embarrassing or something.

So Thursday comes, and I'm outside playing with the doodle, when one of the neighbours asks if the reason I'm out with her is that the owner is having her baby? The word Huh? is written all over my face. You know, said the neighbour, because of what happened last time she's going in for a c section.

Friends, I do not want to know what happened last time.

So I bumble through this conversation and take the dog back in, at which point I notice that next to the dog food is a tiny baby carrier of the sort you would have if you were expecting to have to imminently transport the tiniest of humans. Then I notice that the collar and lead that I just picked up were hung up next to a calendar where that day's date was circled with the word baby written in ALL CAPS with three exclamation marks.

So I think I, like, straight up do not not perceive things in the world that aren't dogs.

In my defence, we're nearly into November in Scotland and I just assume anyone who looks a bit pregnant is wearing a Big Coat.

Comments

[spiralsheep]

I also have dog goggles. It's the best way to be.

I was wearing a waist pack under my coat and ducked into bushes to extract an empty plastic cider bottle for the bin. When I emerged a passing lady pensioner looked at me disapprovingly and said, "You shouldn't be drinking in your condition." Lmao. I was the downhill side of forty with undyed hair at the time too.

[netgirl_y2k]

I also do the picking up empty bottles for the bin thing, and if you want to get some really dirty looks I recommend doing it while prominently wearing an NHS lanyard.

[spiralsheep]

Odd that many people of the type who would complain about litter genuinely can't imagine picking it up and binning it. This is why possessing dog goggles is for the best.

[tamoline]

Oh, so relatable, and I don’t even have the excuse of just looking at dogs by way of explanation. To be fair, I generally find the experience of looking at people at all to be A Bit Much — I didn’t know what colour my wife’s eyes were for months, and she’s the person I’m possibly the most comfortable with.

[netgirl_y2k]

Eyes are weird.

When I worked retail I had a coworker who thought that I could deliberately unfocus one eye to spy on shoplifters, and I had to explain that I am next to blind in that eye and it just doesn't focus well, and also I did not care enough about that job to be trying to stop shoplifters.

[chestnut_pod]

The touch of the calendar is quite funny :D

[netgirl_y2k]

The word baby was in all caps! With three exclamation marks! In a love heart!

Like, I have other qualities and all, but sometimes I am so dumb.

[netgirl_y2k]

It is! But sometimes you have to buy a stuffed animal (a dog, obviously) for a newborn as a vague apology for seeming callously indifferent to someone's happy news.

[lyr]

Seems normal to me. Until I got suckered into being the homeowners' association president, I knew almost no one's names or business - but I knew all their dogs and cats.

[netgirl_y2k]

My next door neighbour is Shadow the border collie. I know Shadow's life story and full medical history. There are some humans who live with shadow. I know nothing about any of them.

[lyr]

See? Totally normal.

[glinda]

In my defence, we're nearly into November in Scotland and I just assume anyone who looks a bit pregnant is wearing a Big Coat.

Fair. Also, I personally am always in fear of asking anyone I don't know well, if they're pregnant and finding out they're not - whether they're just that shape or have heath condition it's awkward as hell.

The calender thing though, is objectively hilarious. That is some serious levels of doggie tunnel-vision.

[netgirl_y2k]

Also, my closest friends who are parents have adopted, so on some level I really do think that you become a parent by being presented with a toddler and you have to a thesis defence ready for what your favourite dinosaur is.

The right answer is Stegosaurus.

[glinda]

It currently feels like every second woman I know is either currently or recently pregnant so I appreciate that I'm perhaps hyper aware of pregnancy at the moment. Most of the toddlers of my acquaintance fall on the truck/tractor side of the truck/dinosaur toddler dichotomy, and sadly I know significantly more about dinosaurs than trucks.

Stegosaurus is a solid choice. Though I lean towards Tricerotops myself.

[dr_zook]

Snort! I almost said, "This could have happened to me as well," but then I'm generally a quite curious person, so I guess I would have asked her-- but not made assumptions about her belly situation, haha.

[netgirl_y2k]

In my defence, she really was wearing a Big Coat.

[adafrog]

lol

[rekishi]

I mean. There is this condition that I don't remember the name of where people look perpetually pregnant, so I don't assume. Also, some people just don't show much even very late. Plus, as you say, it is winter.

I think you're in the clear in general although if you had fed the dog before you might have noticed the carrier. XD Though I wonder why she didn't take it with her since, eventually, she will need to transport that baby home. A mystery.