netgirl_y2k (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
netgirl_y2k) wrote2012-02-04 01:36 am
netgirl_y2k) wrote2012-02-04 01:36 am
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Fic Commentary: Like a Hole in the Head
For the fic commentary meme starbuck_river asked for a commentary of, well, Pastimes & Lifestyles, but that's like 17k long and I'd mostly be repeating what I said when I was talking about Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle; that I have basically no interest in Merlin as anything other than a gateway into the frankly much more interesting show about Morgana which lives in my head.
So instead here is a commentary of Like a Hole in the Head, which is interesting just because if left entirely to my id this would be all I'd ever write.
The version without all this silliness lives here.
Like a Hole in the Head (DVD Commentary Edition)
Merlin; Morgana/Morgause; PG
I wonder if it's weird that I can still find so much to say about Merlin when I don't think about the canon anymore? Actually, that's not true I have exactly two thoughts about the canon show these days, and they are 1) Oh, Morgana, NO, and 2) Shut UP, Merlin. And that's basically all I need.
Anyway, this is a femslash AU. Which, despite my feelings about canon (which you may have noticed trend towards the stabbity) I crave like a zombie craves brains. I was thinking about what makes Merlin such a good fandom for AUs, and I think it's because the characters are amazing, the relationships between them are amazing. And you can explore that just as well, if not better, by dropping them into Westeros or Hogwarts, or your office or wherever you went to university, than you can in their canon setting. Actually, if I had to pinpoint where Merlin canon, for me, went wrong, then yes there would be the dodgy writing and increasingly difficult to get past misogyny, but there would also be the sense that round about series 2/3 they started to sacrifice consistent characterisation and relationships on the altar of the plot. Which works really well on some shows, but the thing is, while the Merlin characters and actors may be amazing, the plot and worldbuilding are... not. Swearing redacted, obviously.
Morgana was barely off the train when her mobile rang.
“Missing me yet?” asked Morgause.
“I’ve been at university a grand total of twelve minutes.”
“Now you’re avoiding the question.”
Morgana could hear the buzz of Morgause’s office in the background. “Don’t you have some plotting to take over the world to be getting on with?”
This was actually written for the Merlin kink meme, which is the only kink meme I have ever frequented or written for. A bit weird, when you think that just because of the fandom that it's for it's almost automatically going to be 90% stuff I'm not interested in. But the whole thing is so well organised and tagged that it made it so easy to find stuff that I wanted to read or write without having to slog through ninety bajillion pages of Arthur/Merlin prompts.
So hats off to the mods, really, truly. This one was written back when they had special meme to encourage people to write something other than the A/M juggernaut pairing, which I really wanted to participate in for reasons of YAY! and also being the change you want to see in fandom. And I came across a prompt that basically went: Morgana & Morgause were adopted siblings growing up, when Morgana goes away to university they realise they've had feelings for each other for years.
And I went: Lesbians! Secret feelings! Slightly dubious sibling subtext! Anon prompter meet my id, I'm sure you two are going to get along FABULOUSLY.
*
It was half past two when Morgana called back, Morgause picked up on the fifth ring.
“Okay. I do miss you. A bit.”
“Morgana? What time is it?” There was the clattering sound of Morgause knocking over her alarm clock. “Are you drunk?”
“A little. I’ve got these flatmates. One of them has ears.”
Mocking Merlin's ears is very overdone. Obviously, I don't let that stop me.
“And alcohol, obviously. And while I’m pleased that you’ve taken to the lifestyle, not all of us keep student hours.”
“Sorry. Do you want me to hang up?”
“You can tell me how much you miss me again first.”
*
Morgana went to live with her godmother Nimueh and her daughter Morgause as soon as she was released from the hospital after the car crash that killed her parents.
So I have this theory about AUs where you can change the huge things (they are all pirates! They are in space! THEY ARE SPACE PIRATES!) without much explanation, but if you want people to buy it you have to keep the smaller details the same. So, say, if you make Uther the same generation as Merlin and Arthur in your space pirate!AU without explaining why or how, well, I don't think it's the space pirates that will throw people out of the story, if that makes sense?
I mention this because Nimueh is of an age with Uther and Ygraine, but obviously she LOOKS younger than Morgause and roughly the same age as Morgana. So, in retrospect casting her as Morgause's mother seems a bit weird. Although, it does supply me with my fantasy family of morally dubious witches, so there's that.
Terrified and plagued by nightmares of the crash, ten year old Morgana had crawled into Morgause’s bed. Morgause had stroked her hair and told her not to worry, that her nightmares were really a superpower, which would tell her things no one else could know.
I hold to the theory that everything, EVERYTHING, Morgana does comes back to her nightmares. The omnipresent "destiny" that she already knows she isn't a part of, the increasing fear that she's magic that no one will properly confirm or deny, the help offered then snatched away at the last minute, the drugging. Which isn't to say that Morgana isn't responsible for her own actions, of course she is. The woman's a borderline sociopath, so it's possible nothing anybody said or did could have changed things for her. Then again, Merlin's a borderline psychopath, it's just that he's on the side of the angels.
And I have special hatred for the occasionally espoused fan theory that Merlin and Gaius treated Morgana appallingly and so are responsible for all her later actions, because of course they aren't, the very idea is ridiculous. But that's what's so insidious about the show's whitewashing of its heroes; Merlin and Gaius did treat Morgana appallingly, they weighed up her entire existence and future, compared them to Arthur's happiness and Merlin's secret, and dismissed her as utterly unimportant, and they are responsible for THAT.
So, I was kind of wondering what if rather than going, "let us never speak of this again" or, "here, have some nice drugs," someone had gone, "No, it's fine, you're special, don't worry."
Since that moment Morgause has been Morgana’s absolute favourite person in the whole wide world.
Also, the reason Morgana is ten when she goes to live with Morgause is that the Westermarck Effect, which is apparently what stops us later feeling sexual attraction towards people we lived with when we were very small, apparently is only effective up to about 6/7 years.
You know, in case you think I don't research this stuff.
*
Morgause’s position as Morgana’s favourite person was in serious danger when she called Morgana’s mobile at seven o’clock the next morning.
“What do you want? Oh God, my head.”
I don't get headaches with my hangovers. I get that lovely one where your stomach tries to vacate your body through your left ear.
“Good morning, Morgana.” Morgause sounded so cheerful that Morgana mentally knocked her down to third favourite person.
“What do you want at this hour?”
“As I’m sitting in a traffic jam on the M25 I thought I’d call and see how your head is after last night.”
Morgana groaned. “I called you…”
“To tell me how much you miss me. And, for some unknown reason, to inform me that one of your flatmates has ears.”
“That’s Merlin, he’s all ears and elbows. And there’s a girl called Gwen, she’s labelled all the food in the fridge. Then there’s Arthur, I hate Arthur.”
My early forays into Merlin fandom were all OT4 fics; The Moment of Truth was my favourite episodes (yes, the girls with swords one, what of it?) but I loved the friendship between all of them and loved the idea of them as student flatmates. This was back when I thought the four of them were people with a deep and abiding friendship that were pulled apart by forces beyond their control, but who never stopped caring about each other. Back before I realised the basic tragedy of Merlin is that these are four people who are bad for each other - kingdom destroying, bodies piled neck high - bad for each another, and who will never be able to escape each other because of destiny. Cheery, eh?
“You’ve been there less than twenty-four hours and already you’ve made a blood enemy, that’s my girl. What did this Arthur do to deserve your wrath?”
“He was the one who provided the vodka last night.” Morgause laughed and Morgana said, “I hope you’re stuck in that traffic jam for hours and hours.”
“I miss you too, you know.”
*
Morgause had stayed in London when she went to university, reasoning that it was best to stay in the capital for ease of later taking over the country, so Morgana’s decision to move up to Edinburgh for her degree makes this the longest they’ve been apart since childhood.
So, they are all at Edinburgh University. It is a nice university. I didn't go there. I didn't even apply there because I felt that they had unrealistic admission standards, like wanting me to have passed some exams or know what I wanted to study. Bastards. I did once sleep with a girl who lived in student accommodation there. That's possibly not quite the same thing.
Morgana obviously wasn’t the only one feeling the distance, because she got fifteen texts a day updating her on Morgause’s ongoing quest to conquer the world and her desire to murder her boss, Uther Pendragon, with a variety of office stationery.
It's what I was saying about having to keep some canon details to not lose your audience, because after: Loves Morgana, Handy with a sword, and No concept of personal space, Wants to kill Uther is basically the only definite character trait we have of Morgause.
It wasn’t all one way. When Merlin mixed up the room numbers and sat through a two hour chemistry seminar instead of his sociology lecture, when a French exchange student called Lancelot dressed up as a white knight to try to impress Gwen, and when a girl called Sophia nearly drowned Arthur in a fountain Morgana immediately called Morgause to tell her about it - the last time while Sophia was still holding Arthur’s head under the water.
They talked everyday, but it wasn’t the same.
*
“I wish I knew these friends of yours,” Morgause said one night when Morgana had her mobile pressed between her cheek and her shoulder and was idly doodling in the margin of a textbook.
“You’ve never liked any of my friends, Morgause.”
“Yes, but I’ve disliked them up close and personal where they can feel me judging them.”
Morgana's canon relationship with Morgause is incredibly creepy. I mean, I love it. And God knows Morgana needs someone who thinks that she's more important than Arthur, and Morgause does call off her conquest of Camelot to save Morgana's life. But she also sends Morgana back to a place that's incredibly dangerous for her and has been slowly detrying her, and she sends her back totally reliant on Morgause for support and guidance. I mean... there's been a degree of pretty cold risk assessment that's gone into that, yes? And it doesn't really put me off loving their interactions, because basically all of the relationships on Merlin are bad for their participants, the only ones I can think of that aren't are Gwen & Merlin, and Merlin & Lancelot, and I'm pretty sure that's only due to lack of screentime.
Anyway, even in this fic, where I've gone out of my way to tone the creepy factor way way down there's still an element with Morgause of, "Other people in your life? Are you totally sure that's necessary?"
“I’m sure Gwen, Merlin and Arthur can feel you judging them from London.”
“It’s not the same though.”
“Why don’t you come up for a visit, it’ll be fun. I’ll skip some lectures, give you a tour of the city, you can frighten the living daylights out of my flatmates. Fun.”
“I--”
Morgause’s answer was interrupted by a knock on Morgana’s bedroom door. “Arthur says he absolutely can’t face his economics lecture tomorrow without a hangover, so he’s insisting we all go to the pub right now,” Merlin said apologetically.
Shut UP, Merlin.
Sorry, old habits die hard.
“I’ll call you before I go to sleep,” Morgana promised Morgause before she hung up.
*
“Who are you texting?” Arthur asked, leaning over and trying to get a look at Morgana’s phone, she elbowed him back into his own seat. It was harder to copy notes from him when he didn’t bother taking any.
Have I mentioned that Arthur & Morgana are my favourite relationship on the show. They are what give me hope for Morgana as a villain. You see, the interesting thing about Morgana as an antagonist is - or at least should be - that she used to be their friend. But the scripts keep her mostly out of Camelot and her interactions with her old friends who are not Merlin (who she never really cared about even when she cared, you know?) are so fleeting that there's very little of her story that isn't interchangeable with any villain of the week. Then you get a ten second confrontation between Morgana and Arthur, which is more charged than any amount of her erotically torturing Merlin or Gwaine. It's all in their eyes, that look of: It will hurt my soul to kill you, but I won't let that stop me.
What was I saying? Oh, yes, that I want all of the reconciliation/reincarnation/AU fics about these two. Get on that, internet!
Down the front of the hall Professor Alvarr was talking away. He’d failed Morgana’s first essay and kept trying to look down her top during seminars, so she felt the pressing need to text Morgause to tell her: HAVE DEVELOPED PERFECTLY RATIONAL HATERED OF ALL MEN WITH BEARDS.
A minute later her phone beeped with Morgause’s reply: FINE. WILL BREAK UP WITH LEON IMMEDEATLY.
And Morgause is going out with Leon in the background here because it's usually Morgana, isn't it? I've noticed that. Look, I get that I cannot (indeed should not) judge anyone for their random headcanon pairings. I'm the Morgana/Vivian girl for fuck's sake. But seeing Morgana/Leon listed as background pairing in a fic does set off a chain reaction in my brain where I go, "Leon, really?" "But he's a boy?" "Can't you just leave anyone single?" and "Leon, REALLY?" And so on and so forth.
Morgana snapped the phone shut and elbowed Arthur again, just for the hell of it. She’d disliked everyone Morgause had ever been out with. She said it was because they were all pillocks. Nimueh (who was a bit new-agey) said Morgana was worried about losing Morgause’s attention. Morgause said it was nice that Morgana worried about her. And Morgana said no, they really were all pillocks.
Probably back in the mists of Morgause's teenaged years there was a leather trouser wearing Cenred, who Morgana couldn't even bring herself to be jealous of because the whole thing was so patently ridiculous.
*
Morgana was in bad mood for the rest of the day, she didn’t reply to any of Morgause’s texts and when the other woman called her first words were “Who’s Leon?”
“Why, I’m fine, Morgana, I have refrained from murdering Uther for another day and my mother sends her love. How are you?”
A while ago I was saying that I don't really write sequels but I do tend to know what happens after the end of my fics; and with this I have a nearly complete headcanon where Morgana goes home for christmas and she and Morgause spend the entire holiday trying to perfect the body language for: We have never had sex, ever, and certainly did not just have sex in the back of the car before coming to the house.
“Morgause.”
“Nobody. A guy I was seeing. It’s over.”
“Because I’ve developed a dislike of beards.”
“Yes, Morgana. I run my entire life based on your capricious and ever changing whims.”
“You say that like it would be silly.”
“No, it just wasn’t working. He said I spent more time talking to you than I did him.”
“Of course you did. I bet I’m more interesting than him, and smarter than him, and prettier than him.”
“You don’t have a beard, I’ll give you that. Anyway, how’s your love life going, broken the hearts of all of first year yet?”
“And most of second year.”
*
Morgana remembered being fifteen and sitting on Morgause’s bed flipping through magazines while Morgause changed. She remembered looking up just as Morgause pulled her shirt over her head and feeling the impulse to take Morgause by the hips and lick right down the elegant curve of her spine.
She’d fled the room and told herself it was hormones, hormones and Nimueh sending her to an all girls' school.
I do tend to play down the age difference between Morgana and Morgause. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with age differences, just that Morgause already has such an overwhelming influence on Morgana that her having ten or fifteen years on her as well adds another layer of "Er, what?" to the thing.
Which is really just a long winded way of saying I'm imagine Morgause as being about nineteen or twenty here to Morgana's fifteen.
*
Arthur and Merlin were doing something on the dance floor best described as flailing, Gwen was at the bar (for some reason she got served fastest) and Morgana was trying to convince Morgause, via text message, that murdering Uther Pendragon with a stapler would probably result in prison time.
So, Arthur and Merlin and the epic frustration of being in a fandom where a good 80% of the fic and almost all of the highly recced stuff is for a pairing where your feelings run the gauntlet from indifferent to squicked.
It's not that it's boyslash, yes boyparts do nothing for me and I have a well documented inability to become invested in any story without a major female presence (I'm only this interested in Merlin because on some level I genuinely do believe that it's all about Morgana) but I usually have difficulty working up an opinion on boyslash ships one way or the other and settle for cheerful indifference. But, right, one of my bulletproof squicks is power differences, it's why I've never met a Doctor/Companion ship that I liked. But with Arthur's bullying of Merlin, and Merlin's endless lies and manipulations of Arthur, it's like that ship hits my squick both coming and going. For what it's worth, I understand that lots of people like that kind of thing, and get that most of fandom doesn't see their relationship the way that I do, but once I started seeing it like that I couldn't unsee it.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to like what the majority of fandom likes. Busier, I suppose.
Gwen returned with the drinks, Morgana smiled apologetically at her and finished typing her message.
“Arthur thinks you’ve a Mystery Girlfriend, and that’s who you’re always phoning.”
“What?”
Gwen clamped her hand over her mouth and looked mortified. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk. I didn’t mean any offence. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, having a Mystery Girlfriend, if you do, or even if you don’t. Do you? Oh, god, just ignore me.”
“What? No. Morgause is my…” Morgana trailed off. She’d been about to say sister, but they weren’t, not biologically and as they’d been half grown by the time they’d lived together they’d never thought of each other that way.
And this would be me sneakily getting round the incest aspect of their relationship. See, I actually do ship them as siblings, I've written shipfic that has them as sisters still. But I also think that if you're shipping two siblings - and I'm sure large portions of Supernatural fandom for one would disagree with me here - then you're basically committed to writing a story about incest. And that can be really, really interesting, in a various degrees of fucked up type way. But I shipped these two so much that I wanted there to be all kinds of stories about them, not just the incest ones.
Anyway, I've worked out that there are two basic ways to get round the siblingness of them:
1) Canon is so vague and changeable about people's relationships; they were never really related, and "sister" is just a slightly peculiar medieval endearment. 2) Look, it's my AU and I say so, okay?
Actually, part of drew me to this prompt was that it called for them to be adopted sisters, which allowed me to indulge my love of slightly weird sibling relationships while handwaving the actual incest.
Morgause had been Morgana’s childhood idol and best friend and teenaged fantasy and other things too complicated to explain to Gwen even if both of them had been entirely sober.
“She’s just an old friend from home,” Morgana finished.
“Morgana, I’ve got a gorgeous French boyfriend who dressed up in chainmail and fell off the side of a white horse trying to impress me, and I don’t talk to him as much as you talk to your old friend from home.”
*
Morgana’s phone rang just after seven the next morning.
“How do you know?” she demanded. “How do you always know when I’m hungover to call me at the crack of dawn?”
“I’m psychic. And you left me a voicemail at four in the morning saying that you’d rather have me than any pretty Frenchman who couldn’t sit on a horse even when it was standing still…?”
Morgana could practically hear the raised eyebrow. “It’s true. I don’t have a word of French and I hate horses.”
“I’d best go, I’ve lost my hands free thing and I shouldn’t be using my mobile in the car.”
“Morgause, come and see me. I miss you.”
But Morgause had already hung up.
*
“I’m going to kill Uther Pendragon, I’m going to kill him with a staple-remover through the eye and then I’m going to hide his body behind the photocopier, so you’ll need to give me an alibi.”
Just like in canon, Morgause's plans need refinement. I'm also not sure what exactly Morgause would do that would put her in the same workplace as Uther. Politcal consultancy of some kind, maybe? And Morgause is endlessly frustrated with him because he is a) a bigot, b) wrong, and c) so obsessed with making his own bid for parliment/the Lords that it's interfering with Morgause's plans to secretly run the world.
“Er, this is Gwen. Morgana left her mobile on the desk when she went to look for a book. And we’re in the library, she must have forgotten to switch it to silent.”
“Oh. When she gets back tell her Morgause called, would you?”
“Any message?”
“Staple-remover. Photocopier. Alibi. She’ll know what I mean.”
*
“Gwen says your Mystery Girlfriend is really scary.”
“Arthur, we’re in the middle of sitting an exam.”
The whole Mystery Girlfriend thing was slightly a send up of all those times Morgana snuck off in the middle of the night to meet Morgause.
*
Morgana had popped out to buy a pint of milk so that there would be tea when Gwen came in from her exam, she was just closing the door when Arthur grabbed her.
“There’s a terrifying blonde in the flat, so we’ve put her in your room.”
“A terrifying blonde?”
“She made Merlin cry.”
“She did not!”
“Yes she did, Merlin, you cried like a girl.”
Arthur and Merlin took an arm each and propelled her towards her bedroom.
*
She opened the door, and maybe this was a huge mistake because there was Morgause in heels and a sharp cut black suit in the middle of Morgana’s student bedroom with its single bed and textbooks stacked in piles of the floor.
And then Morgause smiled that slow, languid smile that Morgana had missed so much and said, “Miss me?” and Morgana pushed her back until she was pressed against the opposite wall, braced her hands on either side of Morgause’s face and kissed her.
I love Morgause. I was always going to love Morgause. Merlin S2 had many problems *cough*troll*cough* but it did give me Sins of the Father and Morgause's entrance. A female knight! I am so, so easy for female knights.
Actually, this reminds me, I have this random theory that there are lady knights in the five kingdoms, dozens of them, but none of them last long in Camelot because after two days of Arthur's patronising, "Well, you're okay, I suppose, for a GIRL," they all go, Bugger this for a lark, I'm emigrating to Carleon, maybe Queen Annis will decide to invade again.
Morgana pulled back with a nip at Morgause’s bottom lip. “Just a bit.”
Morgause leaned in to kiss her again, and Morgana caught her by the shoulders. “Is this what you want? I mean you’re not just doing it because I--”
Morgause smirked. “You’re not that quick on the uptake, are you?” she leaned in and stole another kiss before Morgana could object. “I love you.” Another quick kiss cut off before Morgana could deepen it. “I want you.” Morgause’s hands slipped under Morgana’s top and she squeezed her nipple through Morgana’s bra. “I want you so much that sometimes I stop thinking about Uther Pendragon’s eventual downfall for, oh, minutes.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“You know what I don’t say to all the girls?” Morgause shoved Morgana back a step. “Get on the bed, right now.”
*
Morgause nudged Morgana awake.
“Can you hear voices?”
“Oh, that’ll be Arthur, Merlin and Gwen trying to think up an excuse to come in here.”
Morgause grinned wickedly. “Roll onto your stomach, bend your leg at the knee like that.” Morgause arranged them both into an artistic pose that managed to be perfectly decent, extremely erotic and hinted at several very specific and recently performed sex acts.
When Merlin, who’d obviously lost the game of rock paper scissors, blundered in and shouted “tea” he turned beet red, dropped the mug and fled.
“I seem to have melted your flatmate,” Morgause noted.
“That’s all right, I’ve got two more.”
“In that case,” said Morgause, slipping her hand between Morgana’s legs, “we’d best get moving.”
“They’re right, you know. My Mystery Girlfriend is scary.”
Oh, I love them, I do. Character death and a canon that makes me want to bite people be dammed, I love them.
starbuck_river asked for a commentary of, well, Pastimes & Lifestyles, but that's like 17k long and I'd mostly be repeating what I said when I was talking about Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle; that I have basically no interest in Merlin as anything other than a gateway into the frankly much more interesting show about Morgana which lives in my head. So instead here is a commentary of Like a Hole in the Head, which is interesting just because if left entirely to my id this would be all I'd ever write.
The version without all this silliness lives here.
Like a Hole in the Head (DVD Commentary Edition)
Merlin; Morgana/Morgause; PG
I wonder if it's weird that I can still find so much to say about Merlin when I don't think about the canon anymore? Actually, that's not true I have exactly two thoughts about the canon show these days, and they are 1) Oh, Morgana, NO, and 2) Shut UP, Merlin. And that's basically all I need.
Anyway, this is a femslash AU. Which, despite my feelings about canon (which you may have noticed trend towards the stabbity) I crave like a zombie craves brains. I was thinking about what makes Merlin such a good fandom for AUs, and I think it's because the characters are amazing, the relationships between them are amazing. And you can explore that just as well, if not better, by dropping them into Westeros or Hogwarts, or your office or wherever you went to university, than you can in their canon setting. Actually, if I had to pinpoint where Merlin canon, for me, went wrong, then yes there would be the dodgy writing and increasingly difficult to get past misogyny, but there would also be the sense that round about series 2/3 they started to sacrifice consistent characterisation and relationships on the altar of the plot. Which works really well on some shows, but the thing is, while the Merlin characters and actors may be amazing, the plot and worldbuilding are... not. Swearing redacted, obviously.
Morgana was barely off the train when her mobile rang.
“Missing me yet?” asked Morgause.
“I’ve been at university a grand total of twelve minutes.”
“Now you’re avoiding the question.”
Morgana could hear the buzz of Morgause’s office in the background. “Don’t you have some plotting to take over the world to be getting on with?”
This was actually written for the Merlin kink meme, which is the only kink meme I have ever frequented or written for. A bit weird, when you think that just because of the fandom that it's for it's almost automatically going to be 90% stuff I'm not interested in. But the whole thing is so well organised and tagged that it made it so easy to find stuff that I wanted to read or write without having to slog through ninety bajillion pages of Arthur/Merlin prompts.
So hats off to the mods, really, truly. This one was written back when they had special meme to encourage people to write something other than the A/M juggernaut pairing, which I really wanted to participate in for reasons of YAY! and also being the change you want to see in fandom. And I came across a prompt that basically went: Morgana & Morgause were adopted siblings growing up, when Morgana goes away to university they realise they've had feelings for each other for years.
And I went: Lesbians! Secret feelings! Slightly dubious sibling subtext! Anon prompter meet my id, I'm sure you two are going to get along FABULOUSLY.
*
It was half past two when Morgana called back, Morgause picked up on the fifth ring.
“Okay. I do miss you. A bit.”
“Morgana? What time is it?” There was the clattering sound of Morgause knocking over her alarm clock. “Are you drunk?”
“A little. I’ve got these flatmates. One of them has ears.”
Mocking Merlin's ears is very overdone. Obviously, I don't let that stop me.
“And alcohol, obviously. And while I’m pleased that you’ve taken to the lifestyle, not all of us keep student hours.”
“Sorry. Do you want me to hang up?”
“You can tell me how much you miss me again first.”
*
Morgana went to live with her godmother Nimueh and her daughter Morgause as soon as she was released from the hospital after the car crash that killed her parents.
So I have this theory about AUs where you can change the huge things (they are all pirates! They are in space! THEY ARE SPACE PIRATES!) without much explanation, but if you want people to buy it you have to keep the smaller details the same. So, say, if you make Uther the same generation as Merlin and Arthur in your space pirate!AU without explaining why or how, well, I don't think it's the space pirates that will throw people out of the story, if that makes sense?
I mention this because Nimueh is of an age with Uther and Ygraine, but obviously she LOOKS younger than Morgause and roughly the same age as Morgana. So, in retrospect casting her as Morgause's mother seems a bit weird. Although, it does supply me with my fantasy family of morally dubious witches, so there's that.
Terrified and plagued by nightmares of the crash, ten year old Morgana had crawled into Morgause’s bed. Morgause had stroked her hair and told her not to worry, that her nightmares were really a superpower, which would tell her things no one else could know.
I hold to the theory that everything, EVERYTHING, Morgana does comes back to her nightmares. The omnipresent "destiny" that she already knows she isn't a part of, the increasing fear that she's magic that no one will properly confirm or deny, the help offered then snatched away at the last minute, the drugging. Which isn't to say that Morgana isn't responsible for her own actions, of course she is. The woman's a borderline sociopath, so it's possible nothing anybody said or did could have changed things for her. Then again, Merlin's a borderline psychopath, it's just that he's on the side of the angels.
And I have special hatred for the occasionally espoused fan theory that Merlin and Gaius treated Morgana appallingly and so are responsible for all her later actions, because of course they aren't, the very idea is ridiculous. But that's what's so insidious about the show's whitewashing of its heroes; Merlin and Gaius did treat Morgana appallingly, they weighed up her entire existence and future, compared them to Arthur's happiness and Merlin's secret, and dismissed her as utterly unimportant, and they are responsible for THAT.
So, I was kind of wondering what if rather than going, "let us never speak of this again" or, "here, have some nice drugs," someone had gone, "No, it's fine, you're special, don't worry."
Since that moment Morgause has been Morgana’s absolute favourite person in the whole wide world.
Also, the reason Morgana is ten when she goes to live with Morgause is that the Westermarck Effect, which is apparently what stops us later feeling sexual attraction towards people we lived with when we were very small, apparently is only effective up to about 6/7 years.
You know, in case you think I don't research this stuff.
*
Morgause’s position as Morgana’s favourite person was in serious danger when she called Morgana’s mobile at seven o’clock the next morning.
“What do you want? Oh God, my head.”
I don't get headaches with my hangovers. I get that lovely one where your stomach tries to vacate your body through your left ear.
“Good morning, Morgana.” Morgause sounded so cheerful that Morgana mentally knocked her down to third favourite person.
“What do you want at this hour?”
“As I’m sitting in a traffic jam on the M25 I thought I’d call and see how your head is after last night.”
Morgana groaned. “I called you…”
“To tell me how much you miss me. And, for some unknown reason, to inform me that one of your flatmates has ears.”
“That’s Merlin, he’s all ears and elbows. And there’s a girl called Gwen, she’s labelled all the food in the fridge. Then there’s Arthur, I hate Arthur.”
My early forays into Merlin fandom were all OT4 fics; The Moment of Truth was my favourite episodes (yes, the girls with swords one, what of it?) but I loved the friendship between all of them and loved the idea of them as student flatmates. This was back when I thought the four of them were people with a deep and abiding friendship that were pulled apart by forces beyond their control, but who never stopped caring about each other. Back before I realised the basic tragedy of Merlin is that these are four people who are bad for each other - kingdom destroying, bodies piled neck high - bad for each another, and who will never be able to escape each other because of destiny. Cheery, eh?
“You’ve been there less than twenty-four hours and already you’ve made a blood enemy, that’s my girl. What did this Arthur do to deserve your wrath?”
“He was the one who provided the vodka last night.” Morgause laughed and Morgana said, “I hope you’re stuck in that traffic jam for hours and hours.”
“I miss you too, you know.”
*
Morgause had stayed in London when she went to university, reasoning that it was best to stay in the capital for ease of later taking over the country, so Morgana’s decision to move up to Edinburgh for her degree makes this the longest they’ve been apart since childhood.
So, they are all at Edinburgh University. It is a nice university. I didn't go there. I didn't even apply there because I felt that they had unrealistic admission standards, like wanting me to have passed some exams or know what I wanted to study. Bastards. I did once sleep with a girl who lived in student accommodation there. That's possibly not quite the same thing.
Morgana obviously wasn’t the only one feeling the distance, because she got fifteen texts a day updating her on Morgause’s ongoing quest to conquer the world and her desire to murder her boss, Uther Pendragon, with a variety of office stationery.
It's what I was saying about having to keep some canon details to not lose your audience, because after: Loves Morgana, Handy with a sword, and No concept of personal space, Wants to kill Uther is basically the only definite character trait we have of Morgause.
It wasn’t all one way. When Merlin mixed up the room numbers and sat through a two hour chemistry seminar instead of his sociology lecture, when a French exchange student called Lancelot dressed up as a white knight to try to impress Gwen, and when a girl called Sophia nearly drowned Arthur in a fountain Morgana immediately called Morgause to tell her about it - the last time while Sophia was still holding Arthur’s head under the water.
They talked everyday, but it wasn’t the same.
*
“I wish I knew these friends of yours,” Morgause said one night when Morgana had her mobile pressed between her cheek and her shoulder and was idly doodling in the margin of a textbook.
“You’ve never liked any of my friends, Morgause.”
“Yes, but I’ve disliked them up close and personal where they can feel me judging them.”
Morgana's canon relationship with Morgause is incredibly creepy. I mean, I love it. And God knows Morgana needs someone who thinks that she's more important than Arthur, and Morgause does call off her conquest of Camelot to save Morgana's life. But she also sends Morgana back to a place that's incredibly dangerous for her and has been slowly detrying her, and she sends her back totally reliant on Morgause for support and guidance. I mean... there's been a degree of pretty cold risk assessment that's gone into that, yes? And it doesn't really put me off loving their interactions, because basically all of the relationships on Merlin are bad for their participants, the only ones I can think of that aren't are Gwen & Merlin, and Merlin & Lancelot, and I'm pretty sure that's only due to lack of screentime.
Anyway, even in this fic, where I've gone out of my way to tone the creepy factor way way down there's still an element with Morgause of, "Other people in your life? Are you totally sure that's necessary?"
“I’m sure Gwen, Merlin and Arthur can feel you judging them from London.”
“It’s not the same though.”
“Why don’t you come up for a visit, it’ll be fun. I’ll skip some lectures, give you a tour of the city, you can frighten the living daylights out of my flatmates. Fun.”
“I--”
Morgause’s answer was interrupted by a knock on Morgana’s bedroom door. “Arthur says he absolutely can’t face his economics lecture tomorrow without a hangover, so he’s insisting we all go to the pub right now,” Merlin said apologetically.
Shut UP, Merlin.
Sorry, old habits die hard.
“I’ll call you before I go to sleep,” Morgana promised Morgause before she hung up.
*
“Who are you texting?” Arthur asked, leaning over and trying to get a look at Morgana’s phone, she elbowed him back into his own seat. It was harder to copy notes from him when he didn’t bother taking any.
Have I mentioned that Arthur & Morgana are my favourite relationship on the show. They are what give me hope for Morgana as a villain. You see, the interesting thing about Morgana as an antagonist is - or at least should be - that she used to be their friend. But the scripts keep her mostly out of Camelot and her interactions with her old friends who are not Merlin (who she never really cared about even when she cared, you know?) are so fleeting that there's very little of her story that isn't interchangeable with any villain of the week. Then you get a ten second confrontation between Morgana and Arthur, which is more charged than any amount of her erotically torturing Merlin or Gwaine. It's all in their eyes, that look of: It will hurt my soul to kill you, but I won't let that stop me.
What was I saying? Oh, yes, that I want all of the reconciliation/reincarnation/AU fics about these two. Get on that, internet!
Down the front of the hall Professor Alvarr was talking away. He’d failed Morgana’s first essay and kept trying to look down her top during seminars, so she felt the pressing need to text Morgause to tell her: HAVE DEVELOPED PERFECTLY RATIONAL HATERED OF ALL MEN WITH BEARDS.
A minute later her phone beeped with Morgause’s reply: FINE. WILL BREAK UP WITH LEON IMMEDEATLY.
And Morgause is going out with Leon in the background here because it's usually Morgana, isn't it? I've noticed that. Look, I get that I cannot (indeed should not) judge anyone for their random headcanon pairings. I'm the Morgana/Vivian girl for fuck's sake. But seeing Morgana/Leon listed as background pairing in a fic does set off a chain reaction in my brain where I go, "Leon, really?" "But he's a boy?" "Can't you just leave anyone single?" and "Leon, REALLY?" And so on and so forth.
Morgana snapped the phone shut and elbowed Arthur again, just for the hell of it. She’d disliked everyone Morgause had ever been out with. She said it was because they were all pillocks. Nimueh (who was a bit new-agey) said Morgana was worried about losing Morgause’s attention. Morgause said it was nice that Morgana worried about her. And Morgana said no, they really were all pillocks.
Probably back in the mists of Morgause's teenaged years there was a leather trouser wearing Cenred, who Morgana couldn't even bring herself to be jealous of because the whole thing was so patently ridiculous.
*
Morgana was in bad mood for the rest of the day, she didn’t reply to any of Morgause’s texts and when the other woman called her first words were “Who’s Leon?”
“Why, I’m fine, Morgana, I have refrained from murdering Uther for another day and my mother sends her love. How are you?”
A while ago I was saying that I don't really write sequels but I do tend to know what happens after the end of my fics; and with this I have a nearly complete headcanon where Morgana goes home for christmas and she and Morgause spend the entire holiday trying to perfect the body language for: We have never had sex, ever, and certainly did not just have sex in the back of the car before coming to the house.
“Morgause.”
“Nobody. A guy I was seeing. It’s over.”
“Because I’ve developed a dislike of beards.”
“Yes, Morgana. I run my entire life based on your capricious and ever changing whims.”
“You say that like it would be silly.”
“No, it just wasn’t working. He said I spent more time talking to you than I did him.”
“Of course you did. I bet I’m more interesting than him, and smarter than him, and prettier than him.”
“You don’t have a beard, I’ll give you that. Anyway, how’s your love life going, broken the hearts of all of first year yet?”
“And most of second year.”
*
Morgana remembered being fifteen and sitting on Morgause’s bed flipping through magazines while Morgause changed. She remembered looking up just as Morgause pulled her shirt over her head and feeling the impulse to take Morgause by the hips and lick right down the elegant curve of her spine.
She’d fled the room and told herself it was hormones, hormones and Nimueh sending her to an all girls' school.
I do tend to play down the age difference between Morgana and Morgause. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with age differences, just that Morgause already has such an overwhelming influence on Morgana that her having ten or fifteen years on her as well adds another layer of "Er, what?" to the thing.
Which is really just a long winded way of saying I'm imagine Morgause as being about nineteen or twenty here to Morgana's fifteen.
*
Arthur and Merlin were doing something on the dance floor best described as flailing, Gwen was at the bar (for some reason she got served fastest) and Morgana was trying to convince Morgause, via text message, that murdering Uther Pendragon with a stapler would probably result in prison time.
So, Arthur and Merlin and the epic frustration of being in a fandom where a good 80% of the fic and almost all of the highly recced stuff is for a pairing where your feelings run the gauntlet from indifferent to squicked.
It's not that it's boyslash, yes boyparts do nothing for me and I have a well documented inability to become invested in any story without a major female presence (I'm only this interested in Merlin because on some level I genuinely do believe that it's all about Morgana) but I usually have difficulty working up an opinion on boyslash ships one way or the other and settle for cheerful indifference. But, right, one of my bulletproof squicks is power differences, it's why I've never met a Doctor/Companion ship that I liked. But with Arthur's bullying of Merlin, and Merlin's endless lies and manipulations of Arthur, it's like that ship hits my squick both coming and going. For what it's worth, I understand that lots of people like that kind of thing, and get that most of fandom doesn't see their relationship the way that I do, but once I started seeing it like that I couldn't unsee it.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to like what the majority of fandom likes. Busier, I suppose.
Gwen returned with the drinks, Morgana smiled apologetically at her and finished typing her message.
“Arthur thinks you’ve a Mystery Girlfriend, and that’s who you’re always phoning.”
“What?”
Gwen clamped her hand over her mouth and looked mortified. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk. I didn’t mean any offence. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, having a Mystery Girlfriend, if you do, or even if you don’t. Do you? Oh, god, just ignore me.”
“What? No. Morgause is my…” Morgana trailed off. She’d been about to say sister, but they weren’t, not biologically and as they’d been half grown by the time they’d lived together they’d never thought of each other that way.
And this would be me sneakily getting round the incest aspect of their relationship. See, I actually do ship them as siblings, I've written shipfic that has them as sisters still. But I also think that if you're shipping two siblings - and I'm sure large portions of Supernatural fandom for one would disagree with me here - then you're basically committed to writing a story about incest. And that can be really, really interesting, in a various degrees of fucked up type way. But I shipped these two so much that I wanted there to be all kinds of stories about them, not just the incest ones.
Anyway, I've worked out that there are two basic ways to get round the siblingness of them:
1) Canon is so vague and changeable about people's relationships; they were never really related, and "sister" is just a slightly peculiar medieval endearment. 2) Look, it's my AU and I say so, okay?
Actually, part of drew me to this prompt was that it called for them to be adopted sisters, which allowed me to indulge my love of slightly weird sibling relationships while handwaving the actual incest.
Morgause had been Morgana’s childhood idol and best friend and teenaged fantasy and other things too complicated to explain to Gwen even if both of them had been entirely sober.
“She’s just an old friend from home,” Morgana finished.
“Morgana, I’ve got a gorgeous French boyfriend who dressed up in chainmail and fell off the side of a white horse trying to impress me, and I don’t talk to him as much as you talk to your old friend from home.”
*
Morgana’s phone rang just after seven the next morning.
“How do you know?” she demanded. “How do you always know when I’m hungover to call me at the crack of dawn?”
“I’m psychic. And you left me a voicemail at four in the morning saying that you’d rather have me than any pretty Frenchman who couldn’t sit on a horse even when it was standing still…?”
Morgana could practically hear the raised eyebrow. “It’s true. I don’t have a word of French and I hate horses.”
“I’d best go, I’ve lost my hands free thing and I shouldn’t be using my mobile in the car.”
“Morgause, come and see me. I miss you.”
But Morgause had already hung up.
*
“I’m going to kill Uther Pendragon, I’m going to kill him with a staple-remover through the eye and then I’m going to hide his body behind the photocopier, so you’ll need to give me an alibi.”
Just like in canon, Morgause's plans need refinement. I'm also not sure what exactly Morgause would do that would put her in the same workplace as Uther. Politcal consultancy of some kind, maybe? And Morgause is endlessly frustrated with him because he is a) a bigot, b) wrong, and c) so obsessed with making his own bid for parliment/the Lords that it's interfering with Morgause's plans to secretly run the world.
“Er, this is Gwen. Morgana left her mobile on the desk when she went to look for a book. And we’re in the library, she must have forgotten to switch it to silent.”
“Oh. When she gets back tell her Morgause called, would you?”
“Any message?”
“Staple-remover. Photocopier. Alibi. She’ll know what I mean.”
*
“Gwen says your Mystery Girlfriend is really scary.”
“Arthur, we’re in the middle of sitting an exam.”
The whole Mystery Girlfriend thing was slightly a send up of all those times Morgana snuck off in the middle of the night to meet Morgause.
*
Morgana had popped out to buy a pint of milk so that there would be tea when Gwen came in from her exam, she was just closing the door when Arthur grabbed her.
“There’s a terrifying blonde in the flat, so we’ve put her in your room.”
“A terrifying blonde?”
“She made Merlin cry.”
“She did not!”
“Yes she did, Merlin, you cried like a girl.”
Arthur and Merlin took an arm each and propelled her towards her bedroom.
*
She opened the door, and maybe this was a huge mistake because there was Morgause in heels and a sharp cut black suit in the middle of Morgana’s student bedroom with its single bed and textbooks stacked in piles of the floor.
And then Morgause smiled that slow, languid smile that Morgana had missed so much and said, “Miss me?” and Morgana pushed her back until she was pressed against the opposite wall, braced her hands on either side of Morgause’s face and kissed her.
I love Morgause. I was always going to love Morgause. Merlin S2 had many problems *cough*troll*cough* but it did give me Sins of the Father and Morgause's entrance. A female knight! I am so, so easy for female knights.
Actually, this reminds me, I have this random theory that there are lady knights in the five kingdoms, dozens of them, but none of them last long in Camelot because after two days of Arthur's patronising, "Well, you're okay, I suppose, for a GIRL," they all go, Bugger this for a lark, I'm emigrating to Carleon, maybe Queen Annis will decide to invade again.
Morgana pulled back with a nip at Morgause’s bottom lip. “Just a bit.”
Morgause leaned in to kiss her again, and Morgana caught her by the shoulders. “Is this what you want? I mean you’re not just doing it because I--”
Morgause smirked. “You’re not that quick on the uptake, are you?” she leaned in and stole another kiss before Morgana could object. “I love you.” Another quick kiss cut off before Morgana could deepen it. “I want you.” Morgause’s hands slipped under Morgana’s top and she squeezed her nipple through Morgana’s bra. “I want you so much that sometimes I stop thinking about Uther Pendragon’s eventual downfall for, oh, minutes.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“You know what I don’t say to all the girls?” Morgause shoved Morgana back a step. “Get on the bed, right now.”
*
Morgause nudged Morgana awake.
“Can you hear voices?”
“Oh, that’ll be Arthur, Merlin and Gwen trying to think up an excuse to come in here.”
Morgause grinned wickedly. “Roll onto your stomach, bend your leg at the knee like that.” Morgause arranged them both into an artistic pose that managed to be perfectly decent, extremely erotic and hinted at several very specific and recently performed sex acts.
When Merlin, who’d obviously lost the game of rock paper scissors, blundered in and shouted “tea” he turned beet red, dropped the mug and fled.
“I seem to have melted your flatmate,” Morgause noted.
“That’s all right, I’ve got two more.”
“In that case,” said Morgause, slipping her hand between Morgana’s legs, “we’d best get moving.”
“They’re right, you know. My Mystery Girlfriend is scary.”
Oh, I love them, I do. Character death and a canon that makes me want to bite people be dammed, I love them.