that really sucks that your doctor was so unhelpful. for all the problems with medical care in the states, it's usually pretty easy to see a therapist (if you have insurance). i hope the referral comes through soon. in the meantime, i'll just say that i was really skeptical of cognitive behavioral techniques myself, because as you say, the idea of retraining my behavior makes me feel like a misbehaving puppy instead of a complex human being. but i think they can be effective in helping you recognize and manage the thought patterns that cause the attacks.

yay Bletchley Circle! it's an awesome show. though i kind wished they had focused more on the women's codebreaking work during the war (again, where is my Code Name Verity miniseries?) and less about the postwar period...but i think the show does a great job of showing how difficult it must have been for some of these women to try to return to hearth and home after the war.